An excerpt from the annual report of the Celestial Committee of Watchers

Observations of strange behavior exhibited by those who exist in the lower planes of being

Frankly, we are at a loss for words. Our own vernacular, this language of the angels, has, before now, proven infallible…and yet. And yet. We (id, ego, superego–the three consciousnesses that inhabit this glorious familiar form; this trinity of insight that somehow squeezed ourselves into a single frail human body to infiltrate and analyze the behavior of the earthlings) have attempted, to the best of our combined abilities, to outline, dissect, and interpret the alteration in the behavior of the lesser-minded creatures that live in the realms below us. Bear with us, as these humans have proven to be much harder to fully understand than we previously hypothesized.

As we have mentioned in past editions of this report, the Earth’s population of simple-celled beings have recently experienced a viral outbreak. This, of course, was the agreed-upon next-step in our experimentation with these transient subjects; during the last comet-cycle, the Counsel on Creation and Experimentation voted unanimously in favor of the suggestion of filtering an unknown (to the earthlings, that is) variant into the planet’s atmosphere. This resulted in the globe-wide spreading of what the population has termed: “the COVID19 pandemic.”  

Members of the Celestial Committee of Watchers reclined at their posts and were entertained by the consequential actions of the humans. For just over three earth-years (approximately 200 flashes of mercurial phasing, in our realm), we witnessed humankind’s response to this “pandemic.” The experiment has been running smoothly, however, we have recently encountered some strange earthling behavior.

To better explain this phenomena, please tap into the shared consciousness at this point in the report. You will find a sub-synapse titled “Favored Human Application.” Once you connect to this sub-synapse, a video feed will be transmitted to your orb-vessels. Please be wary of your audience, as some of the visuals you will encounter are rather…shocking.

The human language is rather basic. Primitive, some may say. We find that we cannot adequately or accurately attempt to decipher the title given to this “application,” though we know that the creatures load said “app” to their miniature memory vessels, which they often transport via their limbs–human anatomy is a strange study, but we have found that the specific limb they access this device with is their “hand”–or in shallow holes purposely placed in the materials they cover their flesh with–in human terms, a “pocket” or a “bag”. The organisms have given the database the referential title: Tik-Tok. 

We have been unable to say with absolute scientific certainty whether the “pandemic” was the factor that truly begat this human fascination, but we can recognize that the majority percentage of the earth’s population has loaded the application to their beings. The younger beings can spend up to 19 hours of their 24-hour-earth-day with their orb-vessels attached, seemingly by sheer will alone, to the screens of their portable devices. The content of the application is almost entirely untranslatable–there is nothing in our realm of existence that compares. This is part of the strangeness of it all. Our team of Watchers and Data Energizers have spent countless mind-zaps of energy attempting to decipher what the humans find so enthralling. We have gotten so far as this: some of the images that are projected onto their consciousnesses are of other earthly creatures flailing their limbs about. A number of our Data Energizers believe this to be what the humans call “dancing,” though others are skeptical. Therefore, no deduction or verdict has been agreed upon. Observation shall continue.

The one irrefragable celestial-science conclusion that all members of the Committee have concurred upon is the following: for many human meat sacks, this “application” inspires what can very simply be termed: happiness. Some experience it in far greater amounts–what some humans categorize as “bliss” or “jubilee,” perhaps even, in some cases, “euphoria”. Others experience it in much lower doses. Regardless, the effect that this human creation–human improvisation, perhaps, is a better term, if one is to argue that this “application” is truly a direct consequence of the “pandemic” we have inflicted upon the test subjects–has had on the organisms that participate in its virtual community could be the first step for our kind to adopt our own sentience. 

Finally, a result from this seemingly never-ending experimental study that glows with hope. 

The Celestial Committee of Watchers shall continue in its unwavering dedication to the study of the earthlings and their “favored application.” Any further behavior that is categorized as peculiar or newfangled in terms of the history of humankind shall be noted and shared in any reports that follow.